4am, home again.

I went to QLD with him to look at his unit.
Yep, he's really moving and I spent all night tucked up against his chest sobbing.

I really have fallen for him and this isn't what I want.
I'm too young to move, be on my own.
Sob story.

This is my first day away from him in weeks.
I don't want to sleep without him.
No one should be that handsome, quiet.

He had his fairwell at the local pub/nightclub.


me + black Sambooka = wild nasty bitch.

Talked to his friends, didn't drink much, had a laugh, a chat.. then the boys started buying me drinks. Then the dance floor opened. 30 of his friends there. He ignored me most of the night. His x was there. He spoke to her; a lot. So I started the drinks. People bought me drinks. Men did. Men I didn't know.


To the dance floor!

Danced with his friends for a while as the DJ warmed up.
Caught eyes with a handsome man. Smiled.
He moves over and I start dancing with my arse pressed against his groin.

Oh yes, I saw his friends disgust.

I still did it, though.

3 4 5 6 minutes dancing hardcore with this random man.
I see my boyfriend watching, heartbroken.
And pissed off.
I catch his eye a few times, and I'll be fucked if I didn't smile at him while grinding against another man.

Repeat x3.
Men, that is.

A few of his friends were looking at him with a "WTF are you letting her do?" expression.
(read: your girlfriend is a tramp.)

Jamaican man. Catch his eye a few times.
Boyfriend comes and dances with me, leans in and says "not very fucking happy. That man in the green shirt came up to me in the bathroom and said "your girlfriend is a filthy whore."

Ugh.

Somehow the night wears on. My shoes are killing me, I sit down by myself for a break.
Another man comes past, buys me a drink and had a chat.
I see 2 of bf's mates watching.

Then talking to bf.
("now she's chatting up other men.")

Needless to say, the night wore on. I kissed my man and layed off the drinks and other men.

Like nothing had happened.
Bar closes.
Friends disband.
We walk down to get some pizza.
(none for me, 300 calories?)

40 people out the front. 5 seperate punchups. Walk through the crowd arm in arm with my boyfriend watching blood fly and the coppers screech in.

Taxi.
He looks over, mouths; "I love you."

We get back to his bed.
He looks at me, grabs me by the throat, pushes me to the bed and snarls "oh you're going to cop it for what you did to me tonight."


Both hands on my throat, straddled on top of me, leaning down into my ear.."you made a fool of me tonight. In front of everyone. I was hosting for 30 people and you went and did that. Everyone saw. Mates were coming up to me asking why the hell I was letting you get away with that, and I should dump your ass."

I'm choking.

I can't breathe.
I don't look away, though.

"you thought, oh look, I can get his attention. You didn't even STOP to think what it'd do. You don't think like that. Oh, fuck. You are going to cop it tonight. Take your fucking clothes off."

I do.
I get on top.
H hits me, hard, across the face and hisses "yeah, you fucking like that."
He rams himself into me and I whimper.
"aw, honey, does that hurt?"
Smack.
Harder.
I can see his hand, closed fist.
"baby, don't do this.. please."
First time I'm actually scared of this rough play.

We fuck.
He punches my hip.
I wince.


I watch his hands and every time they move, I flinch and he smiles and says "yeah, about time you take me seriously."


It ended.
We were on the same page.
We talked a bit, I apologised.
But I'd really hurt him.


That was Friday.


Last night, he called me pretty, he hugged me.. I made him dinner.. we cuddled.
Talked about life.
Family.


It finally hit me he was leaving.
I spent all night sobbing into his chest.
"you know what will happen when I'm gone?"
".."
"life will go on."